Making A List..And Checking It Twice

Photo by Emmily

I think of the future often, especially for my children. Who will they marry? Will I like their spouse? Will they be happy? Will they be successful? How many grandchildren will I have?

There have been a few occasions my daughters have been encouraged to make a list of what they “want” in their potential spouse. Since I have a   slight obsession love making lists, at first I thought this sounded wonderful. Even the book So Much More has a pretty in depth list of what to look for in a potential spouse. But then I started thinking about it, and I am not so sure that it is something I’ll be doing. Then again, I am still in the trenches and have a lot to learn on this parenting journey, but this is where I stand right now.

The heart of man plans his way,but the Lord establishes his steps.

—Proverbs 16:9

While I have yet to read the newest book by Voddie Bauchman titled  “What He Must Be If He Wants To Marry My Daughter”, the title makes me a little nervous. It may be a great book, and I do intend to read it. However I  know that my husband would not have made “the list”, yet God couldn’t have picked  a greater man for me and has used this man  to perfect and work out my character in a way that never would have happened had I not married him. I know he is the perfect one for me, God’s choice,  list or no list.

My biggest concern is that many of this idea almost seem to expect that God already perfected the young man before marriage, which many of the things laid out on this list are a life long work, often times perfected through marriage. Raise your hands all of you who have a stronger Christian walk because of your marriage? Thank you.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

—Proverbs 19:21

While I believe we must have standards for who we would even consider a suitable marriage partner for our children, we need to protect their hearts and offer them wise counsel, I am not convinced that making a list and checking it twice is really a good thing to do either. I wonder if  setting up an ideal in my children’s minds as to what their future spouse will be is the best way to prepare them for marriage. Honestly, how often has your own spouse failed you? How have you had to change your perspective of the ideal husband during your married life? Could your list have prevented that? Could your spouse even “make the list” now, even after years of marriage?

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit.Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. —Proverbs 16:1-3

Instead I believe we, mothers and daughters, are to be in prayer for our future spouse. We should pray  “ God send my daughter the man You have chosen, that You know the heart of, that You have created especially for her, to work out Your character in her, Your purpose and Your plan in your life. And please make it clear to us, as parents whom this person is, even if our eyes cannot see it.”

I have been a Christian long enough to have seen that God often uses people that we would least expect to show His glory. I am not about to get in His way of providing the perfect mate for my children because of a list of criteria that I have made. He may have someone that is nothing like I would dare to imagine, because He knows the future. I do not.

What if the perfect man that God has chosen doesn’t have enough checks on the list? And what if the wrong person does? We’ll leave the deciding up to God, and trust that when the time comes He will provide the perfect person who fits His list. Not ours.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

—Jeremiah 29:11

Ok, I am stepping off my soap box now. What do you think about this list making process that is encouraged? Have you made one yourself? Have you gone through the courtship and marriage process and found the list to be useful? And would your husband have made “the list”?

Posted on March 10, 2010 | 3 Comments

I Looked Into The Eyes of My Children

a poem by Donna Reish

I looked into the eyes of my children, surprised by what I did see,
For I thought I’d see the face of Jesus, staring back at me.
But then when I observed their hearts, what I saw was a big surprise.
For instead, I saw me—their mother—reflected in their eyes.

All that I wish I wasn’t, all that I’d like to change,
Was reflected right there in their eyes, in many different ways.
All the things I wanted them to change, all the things I disliked the most,
Were merely reflections of me—things I should have already known.

I cried to the Lord, “Forgive me, for pressuring them, you see,
To be things that I am not willing—or even able—to be.”

When I heard an older one say, in a very selfish tone,
“I’ll give you my best toy, if you’ll only leave me alone.”
I saw manipulation take place and knew where it was learned,
For I, too, can be the very same way, the conniving way I spurned.

When I saw one of them wanting the best, I thought, “What a selfish child,”
Then saw myself being selfish in just a very short while.
When I heard one of them talk angrily, I couldn’t believe my ears,
Until a few minutes later, my own angry voice did I hear.

I saw one of them putting frivolities before the things of the Lord,
And then saw me with my magazines, instead of God’s holy Word.

Day after day, God showed me, my children learn what they live,
And before I can help them to change, I must be willing to give—

Yes, give up the things that hold me from being what God wants me to be—
And willing to be an example—of Jesus—for my children to see.

Now when I see negative character reflected in my children’s eyes,
I look into the mirror, for it’s no longer such a surprise.

Instead of asking them to change, I ask God to work in me,
And day by day, changes in them take place—and Christ I am able to see.

Posted on March 9, 2010 | Post a Comment

Know Your Enemy, It Isn’t Your Husband

There is a young lady we know who decided to wear combat boots on her wedding day instead of fancy high heels. Why? Because she recognized the spiritual battle field we are in. I think more women need to don their spiritual combat boots and begin waging their own war for their marriages!

I have been a Christian for many years, yet I never realized the battle I entered into the day I got married.  Sure we have had our verbal battles, haven’t we all? But it wasn’t until we both began to recognize that our marriage was a bright red bulls eye for the enemy of our soul that we stopped battling each other and began waging a spiritual battle for this union that God holds so sacred.

Know Your Enemy

If your marriage is in turmoil, being ripped apart, and on the verge of ending it is time you recognize your enemy and do battle with him. It isn’t your husband that is the enemy, but Satan. He may simply be using circumstances to his advantage. It is time to stop him in his tracks. When I first began my battle, I was fighting to get my husband back from Satan’s grip.  It was a long, hard and painful road but I have seen and continue to see victory. I only wish I began the battle before the enemy had gained any momentum at all. Now I battle for my marriage in prayer constantly.

The enemy has but one purpose: to rob, kill, steal and destroy. It may be your marriage he is seeking, your husband or your children. But remember that God promises that He has overcome the enemy.

Remember how did Jesus battle Satan when He was tempted? It was with the sword of God’s word.

That is how you are to begin doing battle. Begin yielding your sword through speaking, memorizing, praying, and contemplating the promises of God into your marriage.

Set Your Sights On Victory

It is evident throughout the Bible that God can work wonders even in those who are not serving Him. Just read the book of Esther. Her husband, Xerxes, was not a moral man. Yet God used his kingship at the exact time needed to use Esther to save His people. Perhaps you are an Esther, and have come to your kingdom for such a time as this. Are you facing your trial with courage, fasting, perseverance and prayer as Esther did?

When you begin to look at your husband as a victim in the hands of the enemy, it becomes easier to fight for him. When you see your marriage ending as victory in hell, doesn’t it motivate you to take the victory for the Lord?

Shout The Battle Cry

Your husband may be a pawn in the hands of the enemy. He may not believe in the Lord or has fallen away. The enemy is a very subtle character and can easily trick and manipulate our thoughts and actions That doesn’t matter, because God can still work even in those who don’t follow Him. He created all of us in His image, and is Master over all creation. Don’t think your marriage, your husband, or your family is too big for Him. Begin to respond with spiritual battle cries instead of carnal words.

Begin storming the gates of heaven with your prayers, fasting, and rebuking all things that are coming against you, your husband,  your family and your marriage. The enemy will flee, God promises us that. His goal is always redemption, and the cries of an intercessor move His heart to action!

Have you gone into battle for your marriage? I’d love you to share your testimony with us!

If your marriage is in trouble, hurting, or on the verge of breaking I would be honored to enter into prayer with you. Please email at titus2teaching@gmail.com with your prayer request.

Stay tuned for next week on Marriage Monday for the topic: I Married The Wrong Man!

Photo by Only By Grace

Posted on March 8, 2010 | 9 Comments

Shingles Anyone?

Last week I battled a nasty head cold that finally broke up over the weekend. Even though the symptoms are gone, I just haven’t had my bounce back yet and have been really tired and unmotivated this week.  We have  a few stressful situations going on right now in our family, so I thought I was just reacting to that.

On Tuesday while at the grocery store, I got this strange tingly sensation on my head and felt a large lump. I thought perhaps it was a reaction to some new shampoo.

Then last night, the left side of my face swellled up and my left eye was swollen and itchy. I started to get a little concerend.

At 2:30 this morning I awoke to terrible pain in my ear, jaw and eye and my husband called the shot to take me to the hospital.

It turns out that I have shingles. Ugh!

It isn’t too bad, I just have a couple of areas on my head and a little bit of pain in my face and shoulder, and I am really, really tired. Nothing unbearable and hopefully getting on some medicine right away helps.  I’ll be stopping into our local natural pharmacy to see what they have to recommend.I would much rather do something natural than take prescription drugs if I can help it.

Not quite how I was expecting to start my day! We will be leaving for Disney in a couple of weeks, so I am really hoping and praying that this is the worst it gets and I will be all ready for some fun and sunshine by then!

No horror stories please, but have you ever had Shingles? Any natural remedies or recommendations? I’d love to kick this to the curb as soon as possible!

Posted on March 4, 2010 | 17 Comments

Learning To Sail The Storms

I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship.

-Louisa May Alcott

Posted on March 3, 2010 | 2 Comments

Four Days Of Darkness

I always had a fascination with days gone by. I love watching Little House on the Prairie reruns and often wish I lived in those days when life was carefree and simple.

Screeching halt…

I wish TV didn’t romanticize those days. Because you know, I just went 4 entire days without electricity. We made do with a Coleman stove and lantern, lots of candles, and a heater but it was anything but simple and carefree.

As a matter of fact, I was fairly miserable.

My usually warm bed was freezing. I had to sleep with so many layers of clothing that I once I got into a position I had to stay there because moving was too difficult. I woke up to an even colder house. And the bathrooms? Oh my, a cold bathroom is the worst. How would I ever survive if I had to use an outhouse?

Never mind that all of my beautiful meals I had stored up in the freezer were useless without an oven. So we lived on soup, grilled cheese and more soup and grilled cheese.

I also had no idea what was going on in the world, which I thought would be a welcome relief but turns out that knowing what goes on in the world comes in mighty handy. I can’t believe all the things that happen in this world in just a few days.

Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for the few comforts we did have. I mean it was kind of awesome to have all of us huddled in the living room under blankets reading instead of ipods and TV going. I learned I can read a lot of stuff by candle light four nights in a row. My husband was amazing at working tirelessly to keep his whining grateful family warm and fed.

But I have learned that I do like my modern comforts, like the use of an indoor refrigerator and oven. And a warm toilet seat. An even warmer bed. Did I mention being able to do laundry in the washing machine is a blessing? I have loads of it to catch up, and boy am I grateful I am not going down to the creek to wash them all by hand! I don’t know if I will ever groan again about having to wash clothing in my handy dandy electric, mechanical, do it all for me washing machine.

Maybe…

Take the 30 minute blog challenge

Posted on March 1, 2010 | 11 Comments

Me Time For Moms: The Dailies

I take time for myself everyday. And lest you think that I am a selfish mom, I don’t think you will when I share the what, how and why I do this.

As I shared in this post, I believe we can have me time if it is centered on Godliness instead of selfishness. These things that I am going to share with you are things that we have implemented into our home because they further our purpose, they keep us focused on our vision, they help us to reach our goals, and help us to live out the Godly lifestyle we are striving for. Here are a few simple things I have implemented in our home as  “me time”:

Daily Quiet Time:

Each morning, I awake before the children and spend some quiet time with a hot cup of coffee and my Bible. Even if I don’t wake up as early as I would like, I have trained my children to respect this time. When they see momma reading the Word in my big comfy chair, they are welcome to snuggle up beside me, and even encouraged to grab their own Bibles and read too. If they don’t want to join in, they know to go play quietly in their rooms until I am done.  I have trained them not to interrupt mommy’s quiet time. Even when they were as little as a year old, I would pull out a blanket and some quiet books if they were up before I read the Word, and had them quietly play while I read. It was training time that was well worth it!

Mommy Planning Time:

After I read the Word and at some point before our day begins in full force, I take a few quiet moments to look over our calendar and schedule and make out a to- do list for the day along with some goals. I usually do this while my children are doing their chores. Because I do a weekly planning day (I will share more on that later), this only takes 10 minutes or so, but it has gone a long way in helping our home run smoothly. I find it amusing that my older girls have their own “me time” planning too, making out their own lists while I am doing mine!

Afternoon Rest Time:

This is where my introvert personality shows the most. By 2:00, I begin to feel that pressure that I need some quiet. After several hours of home schooling, cleaning, cooking, laundering, and redirecting, I am ready to just sit and clear my thoughts for a few minutes! My children have been trained that for an hour each afternoon we have quiet time. I often use this time to pray, read an inspirational book, and sometimes even take a power nap. It is amazing how refreshed I feel after this simple hour. And the pay off is huge. Once I started doing it, my husband noticed a big difference in the atmosphere of our home when he came home after a long day at work. I was refreshed and so were the children, and we were ready to greet him with lots of hugs and big smiles. This has been by far one of the best “me time” things I have ever done!

So there you have it, three simple ways that I have “me time” in our day. I don’t get away from my home, my children, and my duties but I use this time to empower and encourage my spirit in my roles. By taking this time each day (for the most part, some days I don’t get to do all of them, but I try to make it a priority) I find that I am better able to perform my duties and glorify the Lord in my everyday walk.

Maybe you like all three, maybe just one, or maybe you have desired a different method to have some “me time”. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Before doing any of these things, I asked myself:

What’s my motive?

Is this helping me reach my goal to be a Godly wife, mother and homemaker, or is it hindering it?

Is this blessing my family?

Am I honoring God with this time, or pleasing the flesh?

Then my husband and I discussed them, we prayed, and then gave it a trial period. (Of course time in God’s Word is a no brainer, but how to implement was more of our focus than “Should I do it?”)  We tweaked a few things, tried a few different things and finally came up with what works for us.

I encourage each mom to especially take time each day to be in the Word of God. If you do nothing else “for yourself”, you should really make it a priority to pray and study the Bible. Make it a priority, and you will find that God will open up a way for you to meet with Him

I hope that this shows you there is a way to take time to refresh your spirit without buying into the world’s philosophy that you have to “get away from your family because you deserve it”. Sometimes just purposing to have a little down time each day that keeps you focused on God will leave you feeling refreshed enough that you won’t ever again think that you need a break!

Posted on February 24, 2010 | 11 Comments

Me Time For Moms: Setting Your Mind On Things Above

Mothering, homemaking, and caring for your husband is a demanding job.

It doesn’t matter if you are young mom, new mom, work at home or stay at home mom. We have a heavy workload,  and the work is constant. The dishes you do in the morning will be there again by lunch. The laundry you fold and put away will be back in the hamper in a few days. The supper you make needs to be made again the next night. It requires us to be up in the middle of the night and again early in the morning. It is rewarding, but also difficult. There are days when we are just thankful to be able to take a shower without interruption! It is no wonder that mothers sometimes get burnt out, tired, and overwhelmed. And then you have the world whispering in your ear that you have served enough, it’s time to take care of yourself for once. At the end of a long hard day, that idea can sound pretty tempting. But is it ok, even Scriptural, to take time for yourself ?

As with anything there is a way to be worldly minded and spiritually minded about it. My hope is that I can show that you can honor God with this time and maybe even that it is not only okay, but necessary.

As I mentioned in the article “What About Some Time For Myself”, the worldly philosophy of me time encourages women to believe that giving to others means you earn something in return. I see that it creates a spirit of entitlement, “I’m worth it”, which grows and festers into resentment, disappointment and discontent.

In the book of Haggai, the Lord speaks to those who have let His house to lie in ruins while they built up their own homes. The Lord gave me this verse to show me what will happen if I seek to build up myself first but let my own home fall to the wayside. In chapter 1, verses 5-6 He says:

“You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.”

In other words, I will never have enough me time if I am selfishly pursuing it for my own benefit. I don’t know about you, but I work hard raising my children, caring for my home, and building up my marriage. I don’t want to “plant much and harvest little”!

He showed me that my “me time” must be used to build His house first. To do that, I had to become spiritually minded, instead of carnally minded, about it. There is a way we can honor God, our family, and become renewed, refreshed and revived in the process of “having some time to ourselves”. But like all things, if we don’t put Godly purpose and vision into what we are doing, we will find that the benefits are few.

There are ways that I believe we should be seeking each day, week and month to have God honoring “me time” that benefits our home, our husband, our children, and even ourselves. Tomorrow I plan on sharing what those things look like and how you can practically implement them into your life. Stay tuned

Until then, have you found a way to have time to yourself that is God honoring? I’d love to hear from other women that have found a way to refresh without giving into the worldly philosophy of “taking time to yourself”.

Posted on February 23, 2010 | 4 Comments

5 Frugal Things I Will (Most Likely) Never Do

I am all about being frugal and spend lots of time finding ways to cut corners and save. But there are just some things I don’t think I will ever try as a frugal zealot.  Here’s my list, how about you?

Use cloth instead of toilet paper- I have eliminated paper towels, considered cloth maxi’s, but cloth instead of toilet paper? I’m sorry, I don’t think that is one I will ever do.

Dumpster Dive- Now I don’t mind taking a few coupons from a recycling bin, but I will never actually go where there is trash. No thanks.

Live on beans and rice for a week- I should never say never on this one, but really for a whole week? I don’t see my husband letting me do this, even if I tried.

Using the yellow mellow rule- You kow, it’s mellow if its yellow if its brown flush it down? I know it may send shivers down your spine, but I always flush and I make my kids flush too.

Use a hanky instead of tissue- I guess I have an aversion to much of the reusable cloth thing. A little too frugal (and green) for me. Double yuck.

I guess you can never truly say never, but for now, this is my list and I’m sticking to it. So do you have a list of frugal things you would never do, or is anything that saves money fair game in your home?

Posted on February 18, 2010 | 13 Comments

What About Some Time For Myself?

Just this week as I was putting away some towels in the bathroom, I sat on the floor for a moment thinking “I am tired, and I need a break! I need some time to myself!”. Winters are long. We are cooped up in the house a lot, and I lack two sets of grandparents who partially retire to the warmer weather for the winter. How I miss those helping hands!

But is “me time” something we should desire as mothers, and is it even Scriptural to do so?

It is difficult to drown out the voices of popular woman’s magazines, those in talk shows like Dr. Phil and Oprah who are constantly telling women they need to “stop serving everyone else and take time for themselves”.

In the trenches of motherhood, there is real exhaustion, real frustration and a real need to renew, refresh and recuperate.  While I cannot find a Scripture that says “A mother should have daily time to herself, to do as she wishes. The mouth of the Lord has spoken.” (and isn’t because I haven’t looked =) ), but we do have an example of how to live by observing how Jesus lived. Did Jesus need and take time to himself every once in a while?

First off, whenever I am screaming inside “ I just want some time to myself” I have to realize that this thought is rooted in selfishness. I never read about Jesus telling those who needed him that he needed to get away so he could hang out at the marketplace and check out the goods. However, we do see Jesus stepping away from the crowds and even calling His disciples to do so to refresh their spirits. And here I think lies the difference in a woman seeking to “get away from her duties for a while” versus a woman who is spiritually, emotionally and physically exhausted and needs to be refreshed through seeking God.

If you are vying for some me time (and if your honest with yourself, who isn’t?), I believe it is wise to check your heart on the matter. Is your need because you feel you deserve some time to yourself? Or is it because you need to invest in some time to pray and get refreshed in God so that you can be a better wife and mother when you return? Because that little thing called me time, it can breed itself and become addicting. It can manifest your selfish heart into a mother who is daily annoyed at her children and husband for needing her. And that is dangerous.

When Jesus did step a way from the crowds, what did he do with his time? He set time aside to become more intimate with the Father, through prayer and fasting. He did it so that He could better serve those who needed Him by gaining intimate fellowship with the Father, relying on Him to equip and empower Him in fulfilling His calling.

If you are really feeling burdened and overwhelmed with your duties as a wife and mother, scheduling time away isn’t a sin, nor is itbad, nor does it make you a bad person. It’s ok to need a break. But consider what you do with that time. Are you feeding your flesh or nurturing your spirit?

Next week I plan on sharing some more thoughts on this matter and give you some ideas for refreshing and renewing your spirit so that your “me” time is God honoring and productive! Stay tuned…..

In the meantime, what do you do about this me time matter? Do you take time to yourself? If you do or don’t I would love to hear your thoughts on why or why not?

Posted on February 18, 2010 | 15 Comments

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