The Potters Wheel

I can’t believe that 2008 is gone. Am I the only one who feels that I have a lot left to do before a new year starts?

 

This past year has been a whirlwind of change. Being someone who likes routine and normalcy, you can probably figure why it has been a difficult year for me. We sold our home, moved into a rental, and went from two incomes to one, I have been battling an ongoing illness, and our church separated to name a few.

 

It is funny how difficult times can make you really see how strong your faith is. I’d love to say that I remained faithful, never doubted, never wavered and have never gotten discouraged. However that is not true. I was unfaithful too often, doubted too much, and have been discouraged more than I’d like to admit.

 

While there have been a lot of outward changes, there has been a lot of inner turmoil and struggles that I have had to face this year. Much of it has been too painful to even share, but I am praying that He makes beauty from the ashes this year.

 

At this time though, God has called me to walk through a battle I wouldn’t choose. He has called me to be put back on the potters wheel and let Him be the potter. It has been painful and uncomfortable. It is a place I wouldn’t choose to be in, yet I am so grateful that He loves me enough to sift me, to remove the dross in my heart, and to make for Himself a vessel He can use for His glory someday. Even if it isn’t the most comfortable place in my life, when the victory is won, I know there is no place I would rather be.

 

I am learning what it really means to die to self, to be humble, to love as He loves, and to walk as He walked. The words sound glorious, but really the process of getting there, of being molded and sanded and roughed up is not easy. He is calling me to a level I have no strength for, but I am learning that my strength is in Him. I am learning that my security, my trust, my everything really is in Christ and no one or nothing else. I am being emptied of myself and filled with Him. I have prayed that I would be, but I didn’t expect it to hurt this much!

 

As I enter this year it is with great hope and expectation, but also with fear, with questioning and heartbreak. There is so much that I need to lay on the altar and let Him take, yet so much I still want to control. I know I serve a big God. A God who loves me and is working out all things for my good. He will not leave me or forsake me. I know all these things in my head, sometimes my heart just takes a little longer to follow.

 

So I enter 2009 a broken vessel, but Lord willing I will leave it just as He desires, a vessel empty of self and full of Him. Here’s to a new year!