Changing All The Same

Life doesn’t always get wrapped up in neat little packages and tied up with a pretty bow, does it?

I remember when I was nursing my first baby and decided to stop. I had joined a local La Leche League, and they were very diligent about calling me and offering advice and encouragement. True to their pattern, they called a few days after I “quit”. This was before we had caller ID so I answered the phone . It took me quite a while to finally get up the courage to tell the lady on the other end of the line that I had stopped nursing. It was silent for what seemed like an eternity, and then the questions were fired. After answering them all and assuring her that I was sure, I hung up. I was shaking, and then I cried. Why? Because I don’t like to let people down.

That was 14 years ago. A lot has changed in my life since then, but I still don’t like to let people down. I have matured  (somewhat) since those days and have learned the lesson that there are times when you just can’t please everyone. You have to put your best foot forward and do what works for you. It doesn’t make it any easier, and I can’t say I don’t lose sleep over it, but I no longer lose my joy over it.

I have joined the ranks of the nursing mothers who quit. The laboring mothers who decide on an epidural even though they swore they wouldn’t. The home schooling mothers who send their kids back to school. The working mothers who decide to stay home, and the at home mothers who decide to go to work. When you make a choice, change your course, or take a different path, it isn’t easy. Not everyone is going to like it. Some will judge you. Some will snicker. And praise God, many will give you a hug, a word of encouragement, and understand your heart. If you are wondering what in the world I am talking about, here it is:

I have gone back to work.

Part time, one or two shifts a week. I am still home schooling, my labor and nursing days are far behind, but I can’t shake this feeling that I have joined another rank. I crossed the battle line and joined the other side. Shamefully I have to admit that I have been in the snickering and judging categories far too often. Perhaps that is why I am painfully aware that it exists.

I can’t tell you the number of times I have sat down to write this post and couldn’t get it out.  Then I read what Amy wrote a while ago, and in her usual way, she said what I was feeling but much more eloquently:

It feels like a new page, a new era in the rhythm of our lives. And yet I know that my job is still the same; my calling hasn’t changed to manage our home and raise our children in faith.

Whatever I do belongs to the Lord. And so I don’t feel lost on this new path because the direction is still the same. The litany of the dailyness–whatever you’re doing– can drown out the goal, but it’s there and I’m paying attention. Martin Luther said, “We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow.”

Sometimes the pretty little package that life gives you isn’t what you expected. When you open your gift, it isn’t what you thought it would be. Often times it is exactly what you needed even though you didn’t know it until you got it. You can’t re-gift life, but you sure can embrace it where you are, with a thankful heart to the Giver of all gifts. Seasons change, and there truly is a time for everything.

Are you in a time of change? Join other women at the well who are changing too.