Help For A Hurting Marriage

I have received so many emails from women have written to me seeking help in their marriage. They want to know how to cope with their harsh husband. They want to know if they should stay. They want to know if God wants them to be in an unhappy marriage forever.

I don’t have all the answers on how to have an save a hurting marriage, but I have learned something that has greatly improved mine, and perhaps it will work for you as well.

So what’s the secret?

I looked in the mirror.

Instead of pointing out all of the wrongs, the hurts, the faults and shortcomings of my husband, I began to look at what I was contributing to my marriage. Was it unconditional love? Was it grace? Was it mercy? Was I being who Christ wanted me to be towards my husband?

The answer was a big fat no. Sure, I tried. I wanted to be the wife he deserved. But I couldn’t do it without a deep searching of my own heart. I couldn’t do it without allowing God to open wounds and heal them, without humbling myself and admitting that I made mistakes and had hurt my husband. It wasn’t my husband God needed to start working on to give us a great marriage, it was me.

We all fall short of unconditional love, of giving grace, of taking up an offense, of lacking forgiveness and mercy. If your marriage is hurting, you need to humble yourself before a sovereign God and take responsibility for your own sin. You need to repent of bitterness, anger, cold love, harsh words, unkind thoughts and unforgiveness towards your spouse. You need to look in the mirror and see yourself for who you really are. Then He will begin to do the work in your marriage that you so desperately desire.

Your husband may have hurt you deeply; he may not deserve your love or your forgiveness. Jesus doesn’t call us to love those who love us, but to love the unlovable. He doesn’t call us to forgive those who deserve to be forgiven, but calls us to simply forgive. Maybe that is your husband right now. And remember you didn’t deserve what Jesus did either. Yet he did it. And you know what He said? “Forgive them Father, for they know now what they do.” Even until the end, He was not seeking His own, but mercy, grace and forgiveness for the very people who beat Him, mocked Him and ridiculed Him. Have you done that for your own husband?

I just encourage you today to start looking at your own actions in your marriage in light of His word. Read Matthew chapter 5 in light of your marriage. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 (aka The Love Chapter). How are you doing according to God’s word? You will find a lot of revelation in answering those questions honestly. And ask yourself: When you look into the mirror, do you see Christ?

Tagged as: christ, humility, Marriage