I feel like I should start this post out as: ” Hi, I’m Stephanie and our marriage has been saved.” Ahem ….
With that said, let me share our journey.
Last year our marriage was being tried and tested like never before. We were a couple who had been committed to our church and serving God for many years. A series of events happened in our life that caused my husband to question everything we had ever believed in, his faith, his marriage, his love to me. It was a terribly difficult time, but we made it through to the other side victorious. And I finally get to say what I had prayed for so many times: We are better and stronger and more in love now than we were before. Believe me, I wondered many times if I would be able to say those words.
If your marriage is going through a hard time (or even if it isn’t) I hope that by sharing what I learned during that time can encourage and inspire you, and draw you closer to the Lord and your husband.
Falling In Love Again
What is the key to to rebuilding and strengthening your marriage? Falling in love again.
But not necessarily with your husband. Yet.
You need to fall in love again with your God.
One thing that has continually shown itself throughout this time in my marriage is how weak, frail and inadequate human love is. It loves when times are good, but it is too easy to hold grudges, become bitter, and grow cold. The love that flows from God isn’t like that.
It is perfect.
It is unmoved.
It doesn’t base itself on the actions of others.
It loves always. The only way to give that kind of love to your husband is to receive it from the Lord. The only way to receive it from the Lord is to fall in love with Him again. You cannot love your husband in your own strength, in your own flesh. So you need to fall head over heels in love with the only One who can impart that love to you.
You need to be strong in your walk when your marriage is in trouble. You need to read His Word. You need to put on music and worship Him. You need to study. You need to pray. You need to seek Him with your whole heart. Even when that is the last thing you feel like doing. Actually, when it is the last thing you feel like doing is exactly when you should be doing it the most!
When you are filled with God’s love, it will overflow out of you to your husband. God’s love is so big that you can’t contain all to yourself! It must be poured out and shared!
Not Just Any Love
During our difficult time, I confronted with the true meaning of unconditional love in God’s Word that is seen in 1 Corinthians.
Until I read those verses, I mean really read and mediated on them, and allowed God to search my heart did I realize how much my human love lacked.
Because I was loving my husband with my flesh, it was bound to fall short. And it was bound to break our marriage in two, because without it I could not forgive, I could not humble myself, I could not be the first to say I was sorry. I could not lay down my weapons of self defense without it.
I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was to receive this. It was agonizing. For months I went back and forth to the love chapter and read and re read. Every time I felt hurt or mistreated or things began getting tough, I would immediately go to this chapter and read it. And every time I would see my own shortcoming as a big gaping wound in our marriage. I had to start applying unconditional love. But I couldn’t do it just by knowing I had to do it. God had to impart that ability to me. So I began really seeking the Lord more than I ever have in this area.
I began to saturate my heart and mind with Scriptures that spoke of His love. I prayed them into being. I repented when I lacked in an area. I am not sharing this so you can think I am oh so holy. That is so far from the truth. I was so desperate, I had nothing else to grasp onto.
I didn’t want to extend this love to my husband. I didn’t like him very much at the time, never mind love him. I didn’t want to forgive him. I didn’t want to bless him. It was the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Yet I knew deep within my heart that His love was the answer.
As I worked on loving Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, He began imparting that love to me And slowly, each day I got stronger, and so did our marriage. As I began to experience His love for me, I began having the ability to give this love to my husband. I got better at it. I was making my way down the verses and knocking them off as my victory. God was imparting this love to me, verse by verse. It was an amazing transformation that I am still in awe of.
When The Going Gets Tough…..
You may look at 1 Corinthians and say “Yeah right, I can’t do that!” and you are right. You cant. But He can.
Where do you start? In the first verse: Love is patient. Begin being patient with your husband. Pray for it, apply it, and when you stumble, repent and do it again.
And keep going on to every verse, line by line, like this. I believe a heart truly seeking God and to love as He loves will not go unheard and unmet. He will meet that need. I am still going through this process, and I imagine I will for the rest of my life. But as I have determined to love my husband unconditionally, and as God has imparted this to me, I know my love has been perfected. I looked over at my husband snoring away on the couch the other evening, (which usually annoyed me), and I could feel waves of love for him coming over me. I praised God for it, because I know it is from Him. Loving as God loves is the only way to save your marriage and the only way to fall in love with your husband. It is a high call. It isn’t easy. In fact, it hurts like crazy sometimes! Fall in love again with the Lord, and He will teach you exactly how to fall in love with your husband. It is the key to a wonderful marriage!
Some resources that also helped us during this time were in addtion to good friends, lots of prayer and lots of fasting were:
- Francis Frangipane’s Ministry, especially his writings on love and humility
- The Love Dare
- Ed Wheat’s Book How To Save Your Marriage Alone
If your marriage is in trouble, I would love to pray for you. Please email me at: titus 2 teaching @gmail.com with your prayer requests or questions.
This post is contributing to Marriage Mondays and Wifey Wednesdays. Visit the other writers there for marriage encouragement, advice and inspiration.
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I know not what your problems were, and don’t need to know. I do know I enjoyed this post very much and am so glad I was led here.
I do know that Satan wants to destroy our marriages and will if we allow him. My DH and I went through that potential struggle in 2008. We were already weakened by job loss and the uncertainty that goes with that. Would we lose the house, where will we live, what school should we enroll our son in, how will we pay for our medical expenses, what about the boys in college, should we sell the car and so on. Satan spotted that weak spot and struck my DH with a trigger to a painful time from his childhood that I knew nothing about.
DH thought he had dealt with all of it long ago, but that wiley snake knew just what to do. Praise God that my DH knew he could count on me and that I would help him defeat the demon testing him. Praise God for a wonderful therapist who had worked with our family in the past and her willingness to work DH in immediately and frequently for many, many months. Praise God for my DH’s faith, for his willingness to come before God in prayer, in counseling with our pastor as well as the therapist and in doing the work necessary so that he buried that demon when the work was done and our marriage was strenghted one hundredfold.
Our pastor was so wonderful to tell us outright what Satan was doing. There was something so affirming about that. Yes, we were being attacked and yes God was there for us. Our pastor, a former Navy chaplain encouraged us to renew our marriage vows when the work was done and only then as a magnificent display of the power of God’s love and faithfulness. How easy it would have been to have just rushed the process, but Pastor Ron challenged us (more specifically challenged my DH) to wait, be patient and to go all the way through what needed to be done so that he would know in the end he was the victor, not the victim. How I admire my DH for his strength. He is my hero. I love him more and more each day. How grateful I am that we know each other in the sacrament of marriage as God intended.
As busy as that wonderful priest was during Christmas, 2009, he scheduled a time to hold a ceremony for us on December 23, 2009 in between a baptism and a funeral he was conducting on that same day. The little chapel was full of people we didn’t even know when we entered the room with two of our sons and my sister as the only ones who could get there in such a short time and during a period of bad weather. When the ceremony was completed, the room exploded in applause from those wonderful people who knew not our story but knew they had witnessed a powerful moment in our lives and in their joy and their grief they celebrated with us.
I have to say that while our first wedding was wonderful it in no way compared to how magnificent that second one was. How Great Thou Art dear Lord.
Julie´s last blog: SOUP
That’s really beautiful, and so well put!
I think so often we get our backs up when we read things like what you wrote, and we start saying, “Yes, but what if he…” And then we fill in the blank with something. But what if God said that about us?
Of course there are some marriages that you CAN’T save (God can, but you can’t), and in cases of abuse or infidelity, separation is necessary. But I think God shows you that. It’s quite obvious. The problem is that we rationalize the rest. And we can’t. We have to get back to the basics, get back to God, and ask Him to teach us to love!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum
Sheila Gregoire´s last blog: Thoughts About Raising Daughters
Lovely. Just lovely. Marriage can be SO good if we just work at it and remember. REMEMBER why we fell in love.
What a beautiful testimony. I experienced the same thing you described in my marriage and learned that unconditional love is a gift that can only come from our Heavenly Father. We must pray for this gift because it is not forthcoming even with our utmost human effort! We literally need to go through our Advocate with the Father to receive it and the beautiful consequences which follow glorify God. Thank you for sharing!
What a brutally honest and beautifully written post! I read the Love Dare as part of a women’s book study this past fall and a lot of what you wrote helped remind me of some of those dares. Most notably, acknowledging that we are only human and cannot fix our problems alone. Prayer is our greatest tool, especially when we don’t feel like we even like our spouses (nevermind love them). Thank you for the reminder!
Jenni @ My Web of Life´s last blog: Finding Balance
when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. There will always be ups and down in a marriage. no one is perfect. just working at it.
I really appreciate this post…I needed to read this today!
Joyce´s last blog: Resolutions for 2010
How wonderful!! I can agree with you on sooo many levels. My husband and I went thru a rough time and we made it on the other side by putting Christ first in our marriage.
Valencia´s last blog: Week in Review / 6 Words
This is such a beautiful testimony! Thank you so much for linking it to Marriage Mondays today and for sharing the truth of God’s transforming power. This message is one that every wife needs to hear. Only God’s grace can enable us to learn what unconditional love is and then live it out. So glad you shared it today!
Blessings on you and your snoring hubby
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Julie@comehaveapeace.blogspot.com
I always love 2 read your blogs. Thanks for doing them. You’re such an encouragement.
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