There is a young lady we know who decided to wear combat boots on her wedding day instead of fancy high heels. Why? Because she recognized the spiritual battle field we are in. I think more women need to don their spiritual combat boots and begin waging their own war for their marriages!

I have been a Christian for many years, yet I never realized the battle I entered into the day I got married.  Sure we have had our verbal battles, haven’t we all? But it wasn’t until we both began to recognize that our marriage was a bright red bulls eye for the enemy of our soul that we stopped battling each other and began waging a spiritual battle for this union that God holds so sacred.

Know Your Enemy

If your marriage is in turmoil, being ripped apart, and on the verge of ending it is time you recognize your enemy and do battle with him. It isn’t your husband that is the enemy, but Satan. He may simply be using circumstances to his advantage. It is time to stop him in his tracks. When I first began my battle, I was fighting to get my husband back from Satan’s grip.  It was a long, hard and painful road but I have seen and continue to see victory. I only wish I began the battle before the enemy had gained any momentum at all. Now I battle for my marriage in prayer constantly.

The enemy has but one purpose: to rob, kill, steal and destroy. It may be your marriage he is seeking, your husband or your children. But remember that God promises that He has overcome the enemy.

Remember how did Jesus battle Satan when He was tempted? It was with the sword of God’s word.

That is how you are to begin doing battle. Begin yielding your sword through speaking, memorizing, praying, and contemplating the promises of God into your marriage.

Set Your Sights On Victory

It is evident throughout the Bible that God can work wonders even in those who are not serving Him. Just read the book of Esther. Her husband, Xerxes, was not a moral man. Yet God used his kingship at the exact time needed to use Esther to save His people. Perhaps you are an Esther, and have come to your kingdom for such a time as this. Are you facing your trial with courage, fasting, perseverance and prayer as Esther did?

When you begin to look at your husband as a victim in the hands of the enemy, it becomes easier to fight for him. When you see your marriage ending as victory in hell, doesn’t it motivate you to take the victory for the Lord?

Shout The Battle Cry

Your husband may be a pawn in the hands of the enemy. He may not believe in the Lord or has fallen away. The enemy is a very subtle character and can easily trick and manipulate our thoughts and actions That doesn’t matter, because God can still work even in those who don’t follow Him. He created all of us in His image, and is Master over all creation. Don’t think your marriage, your husband, or your family is too big for Him. Begin to respond with spiritual battle cries instead of carnal words.

Begin storming the gates of heaven with your prayers, fasting, and rebuking all things that are coming against you, your husband,  your family and your marriage. The enemy will flee, God promises us that. His goal is always redemption, and the cries of an intercessor move His heart to action!

Have you gone into battle for your marriage? I’d love you to share your testimony with us!

If your marriage is in trouble, hurting, or on the verge of breaking I would be honored to enter into prayer with you. Please email at titus2teaching@gmail.com with your prayer request.

Stay tuned for next week on Marriage Monday for the topic: I Married The Wrong Man!

Photo by Only By Grace

Just this week as I was putting away some towels in the bathroom, I sat on the floor for a moment thinking “I am tired, and I need a break! I need some time to myself!”. Winters are long. We are cooped up in the house a lot, and I lack two sets of grandparents who partially retire to the warmer weather for the winter. How I miss those helping hands!

But is “me time” something we should desire as mothers, and is it even Scriptural to do so?

It is difficult to drown out the voices of popular woman’s magazines, those in talk shows like Dr. Phil and Oprah who are constantly telling women they need to “stop serving everyone else and take time for themselves”.

In the trenches of motherhood, there is real exhaustion, real frustration and a real need to renew, refresh and recuperate.  While I cannot find a Scripture that says “A mother should have daily time to herself, to do as she wishes. The mouth of the Lord has spoken.” (and isn’t because I haven’t looked =) ), but we do have an example of how to live by observing how Jesus lived. Did Jesus need and take time to himself every once in a while?

First off, whenever I am screaming inside “ I just want some time to myself” I have to realize that this thought is rooted in selfishness. I never read about Jesus telling those who needed him that he needed to get away so he could hang out at the marketplace and check out the goods. However, we do see Jesus stepping away from the crowds and even calling His disciples to do so to refresh their spirits. And here I think lies the difference in a woman seeking to “get away from her duties for a while” versus a woman who is spiritually, emotionally and physically exhausted and needs to be refreshed through seeking God.

If you are vying for some me time (and if your honest with yourself, who isn’t?), I believe it is wise to check your heart on the matter. Is your need because you feel you deserve some time to yourself? Or is it because you need to invest in some time to pray and get refreshed in God so that you can be a better wife and mother when you return? Because that little thing called me time, it can breed itself and become addicting. It can manifest your selfish heart into a mother who is daily annoyed at her children and husband for needing her. And that is dangerous.

When Jesus did step a way from the crowds, what did he do with his time? He set time aside to become more intimate with the Father, through prayer and fasting. He did it so that He could better serve those who needed Him by gaining intimate fellowship with the Father, relying on Him to equip and empower Him in fulfilling His calling.

If you are really feeling burdened and overwhelmed with your duties as a wife and mother, scheduling time away isn’t a sin, nor is itbad, nor does it make you a bad person. It’s ok to need a break. But consider what you do with that time. Are you feeding your flesh or nurturing your spirit?

Next week I plan on sharing some more thoughts on this matter and give you some ideas for refreshing and renewing your spirit so that your “me” time is God honoring and productive! Stay tuned…..

In the meantime, what do you do about this me time matter? Do you take time to yourself? If you do or don’t I would love to hear your thoughts on why or why not?

I feel like I should start this post out as: ” Hi, I’m Stephanie and our marriage has been saved.”  Ahem ….

With that said, let me share our journey.

Last year our marriage was being tried and tested like never before. We were a couple who had been committed to our church and serving God for many years. A series of events happened in our life that caused my husband to question everything we had ever believed in, his faith, his marriage, his love to me. It was a terribly difficult time, but we made it through to the other side victorious. And I finally get to say what I had prayed for so many times: We are better and stronger and more in love now than we were before. Believe me, I wondered many times if I would be able to say those words.

If your marriage is going through a hard time (or even if it isn’t) I hope that by sharing what I learned during that time can encourage and inspire you, and draw you closer to the Lord and your husband.

Falling In Love Again

What is the key to  to rebuilding and strengthening your marriage? Falling in love again.

But not necessarily with your husband. Yet.

You need to fall in love again with your God.

One thing that has continually shown itself throughout this time in my marriage is how weak, frail and inadequate human love is. It loves when times are good, but it is too easy to hold grudges, become bitter, and grow cold. The love that flows from God isn’t like that.

It is perfect.

It is unmoved.

It doesn’t base itself on the actions of others.

It loves always. The only way to give that kind of love to your husband is to receive it from the Lord. The only way to receive it from the Lord is to fall in love with Him again. You cannot love your husband in your own strength, in your own flesh. So you need to fall head over heels in love with the only One who can impart that love to you.

You need to be strong in your walk when your marriage is in trouble. You need to read His Word. You need to put on music and worship Him. You need to study. You need to pray. You need to seek Him with your whole heart. Even when that is the last thing you feel like doing. Actually, when it is the last thing you feel like doing is exactly when you should be doing it the most!

When you are filled with God’s love, it  will overflow out of you to your husband. God’s love is so big that you can’t contain all to yourself! It must be poured out and shared!

Not Just Any Love

During our difficult time, I confronted with the true meaning of unconditional love in God’s Word that is seen in 1 Corinthians.

Until I read those verses, I mean really read and mediated on them, and allowed God to search my heart did I realize how much my human love lacked.

Because I was loving my husband with my flesh, it was bound to fall short. And it was bound to break our marriage in two, because without it I could not forgive, I could not humble myself, I could not be the first to say I was sorry. I could not lay down my weapons of self defense without it.

I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was to receive this. It was agonizing. For months I went back and forth to the love chapter and read and re read. Every time I felt hurt or mistreated or things began getting tough, I would immediately go to this chapter and read it. And every time I would see my own shortcoming as a big gaping wound in our marriage. I had to start applying unconditional love. But I couldn’t do it just by knowing I had to do it. God had to impart that ability to me. So I began really seeking the Lord more than I ever have in this area.

I began to saturate my heart and mind with Scriptures that spoke of His love. I prayed them into being. I repented when I lacked in an area. I am not sharing this so you can think I am oh so holy. That is so far from the truth. I was so desperate, I had nothing else to grasp onto.

I didn’t want to extend this love to my husband. I didn’t like him very much at the time, never mind love him. I didn’t want to forgive him. I didn’t want to bless him. It was the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Yet I knew deep within my heart that His love was the answer.

As I worked on loving Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, He began imparting that love to me And slowly, each day I got stronger, and so did our marriage. As I began to experience His love for me, I began having the ability to give this love to my husband. I got better at it. I was making my way down the verses and knocking them off as my victory. God was imparting this love to me, verse by verse. It was an amazing transformation that I am still in awe of.

When The Going Gets Tough…..

You may look at 1 Corinthians and say “Yeah right, I can’t do that!” and you are right. You cant. But He can.

Where do you start? In the first verse: Love is patient. Begin being patient with your husband. Pray for it, apply it, and when you stumble, repent and do it again.

And keep going on to every verse, line by line, like this. I believe a heart truly seeking God and to love as He loves will not go unheard and unmet. He will meet that need. I am still going through this process, and I imagine I will for the rest of my life. But as I have determined to love my husband unconditionally, and as God has imparted this to me, I know my love has been perfected. I looked over at my husband snoring away on the couch the other evening, (which usually annoyed me), and I could feel waves of love for him coming over me. I praised God for it, because I know it is from Him. Loving as God loves is the only way to save your marriage and the only way to fall in love with your husband. It is a high call. It isn’t easy. In fact, it hurts like crazy sometimes! Fall in love again with the Lord, and He will teach you exactly how to fall in love with your husband. It is the key to a wonderful marriage!

Some resources that also helped us during this time were in addtion to good friends, lots of prayer and lots of fasting were:

• Francis Frangipane’s Ministry, especially his writings on love and humility
• The Love Dare
• Ed Wheat’s Book How To Save Your Marriage Alone

If your marriage is in trouble, I would love to pray for you. Please email me at: titus 2 teaching @gmail.com with your prayer requests or questions.

This post is contributing to Marriage Mondays and Wifey Wednesdays. Visit the other writers there for marriage encouragement, advice and inspiration.

“Make a little room in your plans for romance again, Anne, girl. All the degrees and scholarships in the world can’t make up for the lack of it. “~Aunt Josephine to Anne in Anne Of Green Gables

I could feel the eye rolls through the screen when I put a blurb on my Facebook status about leaving chocolate and flower coupons visible on my husband’s bureau hoping he’d “get the hint”.

Now in case you are rolling your eyes at me too, let me just explain. The coupons weren’t really left there because I wanted him to go out and buy me chocolate and roses. What they really meant is “Hey baby, I am in need of some romance”. So just for the record, I could really care less about chocolate or flowers. We got a good laugh about it, and then had a very romantic date night a few days later

Valentines Day is a few days away, and throughout the blogosphere I keep reading about women who tell their husbands not to bother, Valentines day is just a day, etc, etc. I completely agree that Valentines day is over commercialized and unnecessary. But I think there is a danger in letting the everyday ways of life crowd out our need and desire for romance. Valentine’s Day may not be important, but romance is.

~Be Careful What You Wish For~

I am coming out of the trenches of raising little ones and 16 years into our marriage, and I just have to warn you ladies to make sure you aren’t overlooking the importance of allowing, even encouraging,  your husband to romance you. I can guarantee you that if you keep telling your husband that romance doesn’t matter, you will not only stop receiving tokens of his affection  for Valentines Day, but probably any day.

If your husband thinks that romance doesn’t matter to you, he probably isn’t going to keep trying to romance you.

Mike Bickle says in his book After God’s Own Heart:

“I don’t think it’s possible to outgrow the thrill, the wonder, the overwhelming certainly of being loved and enjoyed. It is the single experience all humans grope for and cling to in human relationships and with God. Knowing you are loved by another person fills your days with endless marvels, no matter what’s going outside your heart.”

I believe even God loves romance, and woos and entices us to Him through His love, His Word and His passion for us (just read the Song of Solomon). Our marriage relationships are a model of God’s relationship with us, and I believe romance is part of what God created in us when He created marriage. If romance is important to God, it should be important to us. There is obviously something in it that deepens and strengthens our love and passion for one another.

~Just Scrub The Toilet, Dear~

In the beginning of your relationship, I am sure romance played a huge part, maybe even involving  flowers, chocolate, love notes. Then you got married, had children, have careers, or are living on a shoe string budget. So the flowers and the chocolate stopped in favor of your husband helping you scrub the toilets as being one of the romantic things ever.

We were there one time too. Now our children are growing up, and we have more time to spend with each other, and we have realized that letting romance fall to the wayside all those years was a big mistake. My husband isn’t a romantic guy by nature, so when I made romance unimportant by telling him not to bother, it began a downward spiral that eventually left a huge void for both of us. It took a crisis in our marriage for both of us to see it.  Now we make sure that when one of us is feeling that void again, we let each other know. (Hence, the flower and chocolate hint I left on  his bureau)

~If You Like It, Just Say So!~

If you are woman who values these things, it’s ok to let your husband know. Don’t tell him it doesn’t matter to you if it does. We all have our different love language, and we need to give and receive love in a way that is fulfilling in our own marriages. Telling him to forget something that may be special to you does not make you a better wife, especially if causes a hurt or disappointment in your heart.

~In The Mood For Love~

Valentines day is over rated, but lets face it, it gets the world in the mood for love. You can’t avoid the red and pink hearts in every store or the little cupids in peoples windows or the onslaught of jewelry and floral commercials. Why don’t you knock his socks off with a romantic evening, and let him know that showing love any day of the year is one of your favorite things to do? There are loads of fun and frugal ideas that you can do. (see links below for ideas)

~Chocolate And Roses Don’t Spell Love~

I realize, and hope you do too,  that romance isn’t in the things we get materially. Most of the time it’s the little, simple, thoughtful things that we do for each other on a day to day basis. It’s the things we do to let our beloved know that we are thinking of them.  When Demi Moore was asked what was the most romantic thing she had ever done for her (then) husband Bruce Willis, she said “I gave birth to three kids!”.  That always makes me laugh! True, romance can be in the big and little things we do. The message here is just do them. Make it a priority. And never tell your husband that you just don’t care if he romances you or not! Romance truly is a finer thing and is sure to keep your heart strings tied and your love growing strong!!

For some great ideas for this Valentine’s Day, check out these great ideas:

• Frugal Valentines Day Ideas
• 14 Ways To Show Your Husband Love for Valentine’s Day

Life doesn’t always get wrapped up in neat little packages and tied up with a pretty bow, does it?

I remember when I was nursing my first baby and decided to stop. I had joined a local La Leche League, and they were very diligent about calling me and offering advice and encouragement. True to their pattern, they called a few days after I “quit”. This was before we had caller ID so I answered the phone . It took me quite a while to finally get up the courage to tell the lady on the other end of the line that I had stopped nursing. It was silent for what seemed like an eternity, and then the questions were fired. After answering them all and assuring her that I was sure, I hung up. I was shaking, and then I cried. Why? Because I don’t like to let people down.

That was 14 years ago. A lot has changed in my life since then, but I still don’t like to let people down. I have matured  (somewhat) since those days and have learned the lesson that there are times when you just can’t please everyone. You have to put your best foot forward and do what works for you. It doesn’t make it any easier, and I can’t say I don’t lose sleep over it, but I no longer lose my joy over it.

I have joined the ranks of the nursing mothers who quit. The laboring mothers who decide on an epidural even though they swore they wouldn’t. The home schooling mothers who send their kids back to school. The working mothers who decide to stay home, and the at home mothers who decide to go to work. When you make a choice, change your course, or take a different path, it isn’t easy. Not everyone is going to like it. Some will judge you. Some will snicker. And praise God, many will give you a hug, a word of encouragement, and understand your heart. If you are wondering what in the world I am talking about, here it is:

I have gone back to work.

Part time, one or two shifts a week. I am still home schooling, my labor and nursing days are far behind, but I can’t shake this feeling that I have joined another rank. I crossed the battle line and joined the other side. Shamefully I have to admit that I have been in the snickering and judging categories far too often. Perhaps that is why I am painfully aware that it exists.

I can’t tell you the number of times I have sat down to write this post and couldn’t get it out.  Then I read what Amy wrote a while ago, and in her usual way, she said what I was feeling but much more eloquently:

It feels like a new page, a new era in the rhythm of our lives. And yet I know that my job is still the same; my calling hasn’t changed to manage our home and raise our children in faith.

Whatever I do belongs to the Lord. And so I don’t feel lost on this new path because the direction is still the same. The litany of the dailyness–whatever you’re doing– can drown out the goal, but it’s there and I’m paying attention. Martin Luther said, “We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow.”

Sometimes the pretty little package that life gives you isn’t what you expected. When you open your gift, it isn’t what you thought it would be. Often times it is exactly what you needed even though you didn’t know it until you got it. You can’t re-gift life, but you sure can embrace it where you are, with a thankful heart to the Giver of all gifts. Seasons change, and there truly is a time for everything.

Are you in a time of change? Join other women at the well who are changing too.

Posts in this category will be coming soon! Please check back!