We have been watching lots of All In The Family re runs lately. Say what you will, but that show cracks me up. And in comparison to most junk that is on TV today it is relatively uh, wholesome? Ok, maybe wholesome isn’t the word but there at least some old fashioned morals on the show and some comic relief has felt pretty good around here lately.

While watching it the other night, I started thinking about how women equate submission to being a wife like Edith Bunker. A homemaker who is a slave to her husband, getting no respect, and not very bright to boot. While it may be funny on TV, that is not at all what submission looks like, or should look like according to God’s Word.

When we submit to our husbands, we aren’t enslaving ourselves to a crude task master so we can be pushed around, insulted, and ridiculed. We don’t check our brains at the door and become mindless. That is far, far from what God’s Word portrays.

Submission doesn’t enslave you, it gives you freedom. Freedom to be who God created you to be. Freedom in life, in marriage, in relationships.  Freedom to receive God’s blessings.

While the word submission may sound like enslavement, in action, it is  God’s way to be anything but a slave. The only enslavement is to sin.  Don’t let the world define submission as handcuffs for you. Learn about it from the One who created it!

I have known something wasn’t right for about a year now. I thought my husband may be having mini strokes, but his increasing weakness in his arm was really starting to affect him, and I was really beginning to worry. For months we have been going to a variety of doctors and trying out different things ourselves to see if we could get some answers.

On March 10, we got the answer to a question we never thought to ask, and an answer we never wanted to hear.

It was on that day that we learned that my husband has ALS, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, better known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. It is a terminal, progressive neurological disorder that slowly paralyzes your body over time until it finally takes away your ability to breathe. It is a horrible disease, and there is no cure. Fifty percent of people die within 3 years, 20% in 5 years, and 10% live 10 years. Considering this is a rare disease, those numbers are very, very grim.

As you can imagine the past few weeks have been spent doing a lot of praying and a lot of crying. We spent 2 ½ weeks with our family members in Florida, and arrived home last week ready to tackle this monster in our lives.

Have you ever been on the edge of a cliff, looking down, and for a moment fear fallling? That is how I feel. Some days the fall doesn’t look so scary, and other days it takes my breath away.

Right now, I am trying to learn how to live on the edge of a this big cliff, clinging to my very big God and praying for a very big miracle.

When my husband and I met, we were far from serving the Lord. We partied and played with the world, and then found out just a short four months after dating that we were going to have a baby. Thankfully he was man enough to take responsibility for our actions. We soon moved in together and 10 months after our first child was born, we got married. To say that things were tumultuous is an understatement! Starting out so young, so unplanned often left me lots of room to doubt and wonder about our choices in life. Many times I have  played the “what-if” game. What if I married so and so? What if I did this , or that? What if, what if, what if?

Can I Share Something With You?

There is no prince charming waiting to whisk you away to a better life.

There is no what if.

God has had a plan for your life from the day you were born. Even if you weren’t serving Him, He was still working in your life. He did for mine, and He knew the choices I would make, He knew the man I would marry, and He knew the path we would take together. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t following Him. It didn’t matter that I was being foolish. He still loved me and my husband, and we didn’t meet, have a child and get married by accident. And neither did you.

I am married to the man God set aside for me and living a life that is exactly what God had planned for me. And so are you.

Remember that God works all things together for good for those that love Him. (Rom. 8:28) If you say you love God, then you have to trust that He is working everything out in your life for good.

Playing the what if game is dangerous

Satan is waging war on marriages, and mine and yours is no exception. He plants the what-if seed, he convinces you that you married the wrong man. The only way to fight it is to close the door on the what-if game and accept that by honoring and loving your husband, you are in God’s perfect will and are receiving His perfect blessing. No, your marriage may not be perfect. There may be some work to do. There may be some refining to be done.  God loves you so much that He wants to bring you through His boot camp to mold you into the image of His Son, and perhaps your marriage is the training ground He is using. He has an eternal purpose, and if He chooses to use your husband to teach you to be like Christ, it isn’t because you made a mistake and it certainly isn’t because He made a mistake. This is His plan for you. Embrace it! Walk in it! Rejoice in it!

Instead of asking what if….

I had to stop playing the “what if” game, stop wondering if I had missed out on the road to happiness, if I had married the wrong man. I trust that God had me in the palm of His hand all this time, and He knows exactly what I needed then and now.

Instead of asking what if, I choose to ask what now, Lord?

I may have used my free will to make wrong choices, but He is my Redeemer. He can redeem my choices and set me on solid ground. I trust that He has. So shut the door on what if, and ask the Lord what now? Be prepared to walk in His will from this day on, even if it means a difficult marriage. Accept that He is working something beautiful out in you! You are in His perfect will by being committed to your marriage. There is no other choice, no other option!

Have you ever played the what if game?

This post is linked to Marriage Mondays

Have you snuggled your children today?

Played the game they have been begging you to play?

Read them the story they wanted you to read?

Had a heart to heart chat with your teen?

Done something to let your husband know how much you love him?

No?

Then what are you doing reading this blog? You have better things to do.

Photo by Emmily

I think of the future often, especially for my children. Who will they marry? Will I like their spouse? Will they be happy? Will they be successful? How many grandchildren will I have?

There have been a few occasions my daughters have been encouraged to make a list of what they “want” in their potential spouse. Since I have a   slight obsession love making lists, at first I thought this sounded wonderful. Even the book So Much More has a pretty in depth list of what to look for in a potential spouse. But then I started thinking about it, and I am not so sure that it is something I’ll be doing. Then again, I am still in the trenches and have a lot to learn on this parenting journey, but this is where I stand right now.

The heart of man plans his way,but the Lord establishes his steps.

—Proverbs 16:9

While I have yet to read the newest book by Voddie Bauchman titled  “What He Must Be If He Wants To Marry My Daughter”, the title makes me a little nervous. It may be a great book, and I do intend to read it. However I  know that my husband would not have made “the list”, yet God couldn’t have picked  a greater man for me and has used this man  to perfect and work out my character in a way that never would have happened had I not married him. I know he is the perfect one for me, God’s choice,  list or no list.

My biggest concern is that many of this idea almost seem to expect that God already perfected the young man before marriage, which many of the things laid out on this list are a life long work, often times perfected through marriage. Raise your hands all of you who have a stronger Christian walk because of your marriage? Thank you.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

—Proverbs 19:21

While I believe we must have standards for who we would even consider a suitable marriage partner for our children, we need to protect their hearts and offer them wise counsel, I am not convinced that making a list and checking it twice is really a good thing to do either. I wonder if  setting up an ideal in my children’s minds as to what their future spouse will be is the best way to prepare them for marriage. Honestly, how often has your own spouse failed you? How have you had to change your perspective of the ideal husband during your married life? Could your list have prevented that? Could your spouse even “make the list” now, even after years of marriage?

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit.Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. —Proverbs 16:1-3

Instead I believe we, mothers and daughters, are to be in prayer for our future spouse. We should pray  “ God send my daughter the man You have chosen, that You know the heart of, that You have created especially for her, to work out Your character in her, Your purpose and Your plan in your life. And please make it clear to us, as parents whom this person is, even if our eyes cannot see it.”

I have been a Christian long enough to have seen that God often uses people that we would least expect to show His glory. I am not about to get in His way of providing the perfect mate for my children because of a list of criteria that I have made. He may have someone that is nothing like I would dare to imagine, because He knows the future. I do not.

What if the perfect man that God has chosen doesn’t have enough checks on the list? And what if the wrong person does? We’ll leave the deciding up to God, and trust that when the time comes He will provide the perfect person who fits His list. Not ours.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

—Jeremiah 29:11

Ok, I am stepping off my soap box now. What do you think about this list making process that is encouraged? Have you made one yourself? Have you gone through the courtship and marriage process and found the list to be useful? And would your husband have made “the list”?

There is a young lady we know who decided to wear combat boots on her wedding day instead of fancy high heels. Why? Because she recognized the spiritual battle field we are in. I think more women need to don their spiritual combat boots and begin waging their own war for their marriages!

I have been a Christian for many years, yet I never realized the battle I entered into the day I got married.  Sure we have had our verbal battles, haven’t we all? But it wasn’t until we both began to recognize that our marriage was a bright red bulls eye for the enemy of our soul that we stopped battling each other and began waging a spiritual battle for this union that God holds so sacred.

Know Your Enemy

If your marriage is in turmoil, being ripped apart, and on the verge of ending it is time you recognize your enemy and do battle with him. It isn’t your husband that is the enemy, but Satan. He may simply be using circumstances to his advantage. It is time to stop him in his tracks. When I first began my battle, I was fighting to get my husband back from Satan’s grip.  It was a long, hard and painful road but I have seen and continue to see victory. I only wish I began the battle before the enemy had gained any momentum at all. Now I battle for my marriage in prayer constantly.

The enemy has but one purpose: to rob, kill, steal and destroy. It may be your marriage he is seeking, your husband or your children. But remember that God promises that He has overcome the enemy.

Remember how did Jesus battle Satan when He was tempted? It was with the sword of God’s word.

That is how you are to begin doing battle. Begin yielding your sword through speaking, memorizing, praying, and contemplating the promises of God into your marriage.

Set Your Sights On Victory

It is evident throughout the Bible that God can work wonders even in those who are not serving Him. Just read the book of Esther. Her husband, Xerxes, was not a moral man. Yet God used his kingship at the exact time needed to use Esther to save His people. Perhaps you are an Esther, and have come to your kingdom for such a time as this. Are you facing your trial with courage, fasting, perseverance and prayer as Esther did?

When you begin to look at your husband as a victim in the hands of the enemy, it becomes easier to fight for him. When you see your marriage ending as victory in hell, doesn’t it motivate you to take the victory for the Lord?

Shout The Battle Cry

Your husband may be a pawn in the hands of the enemy. He may not believe in the Lord or has fallen away. The enemy is a very subtle character and can easily trick and manipulate our thoughts and actions That doesn’t matter, because God can still work even in those who don’t follow Him. He created all of us in His image, and is Master over all creation. Don’t think your marriage, your husband, or your family is too big for Him. Begin to respond with spiritual battle cries instead of carnal words.

Begin storming the gates of heaven with your prayers, fasting, and rebuking all things that are coming against you, your husband,  your family and your marriage. The enemy will flee, God promises us that. His goal is always redemption, and the cries of an intercessor move His heart to action!

Have you gone into battle for your marriage? I’d love you to share your testimony with us!

If your marriage is in trouble, hurting, or on the verge of breaking I would be honored to enter into prayer with you. Please email at titus2teaching@gmail.com with your prayer request.

Stay tuned for next week on Marriage Monday for the topic: I Married The Wrong Man!

Photo by Only By Grace

I feel like I should start this post out as: ” Hi, I’m Stephanie and our marriage has been saved.”  Ahem ….

With that said, let me share our journey.

Last year our marriage was being tried and tested like never before. We were a couple who had been committed to our church and serving God for many years. A series of events happened in our life that caused my husband to question everything we had ever believed in, his faith, his marriage, his love to me. It was a terribly difficult time, but we made it through to the other side victorious. And I finally get to say what I had prayed for so many times: We are better and stronger and more in love now than we were before. Believe me, I wondered many times if I would be able to say those words.

If your marriage is going through a hard time (or even if it isn’t) I hope that by sharing what I learned during that time can encourage and inspire you, and draw you closer to the Lord and your husband.

Falling In Love Again

What is the key to  to rebuilding and strengthening your marriage? Falling in love again.

But not necessarily with your husband. Yet.

You need to fall in love again with your God.

One thing that has continually shown itself throughout this time in my marriage is how weak, frail and inadequate human love is. It loves when times are good, but it is too easy to hold grudges, become bitter, and grow cold. The love that flows from God isn’t like that.

It is perfect.

It is unmoved.

It doesn’t base itself on the actions of others.

It loves always. The only way to give that kind of love to your husband is to receive it from the Lord. The only way to receive it from the Lord is to fall in love with Him again. You cannot love your husband in your own strength, in your own flesh. So you need to fall head over heels in love with the only One who can impart that love to you.

You need to be strong in your walk when your marriage is in trouble. You need to read His Word. You need to put on music and worship Him. You need to study. You need to pray. You need to seek Him with your whole heart. Even when that is the last thing you feel like doing. Actually, when it is the last thing you feel like doing is exactly when you should be doing it the most!

When you are filled with God’s love, it  will overflow out of you to your husband. God’s love is so big that you can’t contain all to yourself! It must be poured out and shared!

Not Just Any Love

During our difficult time, I confronted with the true meaning of unconditional love in God’s Word that is seen in 1 Corinthians.

Until I read those verses, I mean really read and mediated on them, and allowed God to search my heart did I realize how much my human love lacked.

Because I was loving my husband with my flesh, it was bound to fall short. And it was bound to break our marriage in two, because without it I could not forgive, I could not humble myself, I could not be the first to say I was sorry. I could not lay down my weapons of self defense without it.

I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was to receive this. It was agonizing. For months I went back and forth to the love chapter and read and re read. Every time I felt hurt or mistreated or things began getting tough, I would immediately go to this chapter and read it. And every time I would see my own shortcoming as a big gaping wound in our marriage. I had to start applying unconditional love. But I couldn’t do it just by knowing I had to do it. God had to impart that ability to me. So I began really seeking the Lord more than I ever have in this area.

I began to saturate my heart and mind with Scriptures that spoke of His love. I prayed them into being. I repented when I lacked in an area. I am not sharing this so you can think I am oh so holy. That is so far from the truth. I was so desperate, I had nothing else to grasp onto.

I didn’t want to extend this love to my husband. I didn’t like him very much at the time, never mind love him. I didn’t want to forgive him. I didn’t want to bless him. It was the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Yet I knew deep within my heart that His love was the answer.

As I worked on loving Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, He began imparting that love to me And slowly, each day I got stronger, and so did our marriage. As I began to experience His love for me, I began having the ability to give this love to my husband. I got better at it. I was making my way down the verses and knocking them off as my victory. God was imparting this love to me, verse by verse. It was an amazing transformation that I am still in awe of.

When The Going Gets Tough…..

You may look at 1 Corinthians and say “Yeah right, I can’t do that!” and you are right. You cant. But He can.

Where do you start? In the first verse: Love is patient. Begin being patient with your husband. Pray for it, apply it, and when you stumble, repent and do it again.

And keep going on to every verse, line by line, like this. I believe a heart truly seeking God and to love as He loves will not go unheard and unmet. He will meet that need. I am still going through this process, and I imagine I will for the rest of my life. But as I have determined to love my husband unconditionally, and as God has imparted this to me, I know my love has been perfected. I looked over at my husband snoring away on the couch the other evening, (which usually annoyed me), and I could feel waves of love for him coming over me. I praised God for it, because I know it is from Him. Loving as God loves is the only way to save your marriage and the only way to fall in love with your husband. It is a high call. It isn’t easy. In fact, it hurts like crazy sometimes! Fall in love again with the Lord, and He will teach you exactly how to fall in love with your husband. It is the key to a wonderful marriage!

Some resources that also helped us during this time were in addtion to good friends, lots of prayer and lots of fasting were:

• Francis Frangipane’s Ministry, especially his writings on love and humility
• The Love Dare
• Ed Wheat’s Book How To Save Your Marriage Alone

If your marriage is in trouble, I would love to pray for you. Please email me at: titus 2 teaching @gmail.com with your prayer requests or questions.

This post is contributing to Marriage Mondays and Wifey Wednesdays. Visit the other writers there for marriage encouragement, advice and inspiration.

“Make a little room in your plans for romance again, Anne, girl. All the degrees and scholarships in the world can’t make up for the lack of it. “~Aunt Josephine to Anne in Anne Of Green Gables

I could feel the eye rolls through the screen when I put a blurb on my Facebook status about leaving chocolate and flower coupons visible on my husband’s bureau hoping he’d “get the hint”.

Now in case you are rolling your eyes at me too, let me just explain. The coupons weren’t really left there because I wanted him to go out and buy me chocolate and roses. What they really meant is “Hey baby, I am in need of some romance”. So just for the record, I could really care less about chocolate or flowers. We got a good laugh about it, and then had a very romantic date night a few days later

Valentines Day is a few days away, and throughout the blogosphere I keep reading about women who tell their husbands not to bother, Valentines day is just a day, etc, etc. I completely agree that Valentines day is over commercialized and unnecessary. But I think there is a danger in letting the everyday ways of life crowd out our need and desire for romance. Valentine’s Day may not be important, but romance is.

~Be Careful What You Wish For~

I am coming out of the trenches of raising little ones and 16 years into our marriage, and I just have to warn you ladies to make sure you aren’t overlooking the importance of allowing, even encouraging,  your husband to romance you. I can guarantee you that if you keep telling your husband that romance doesn’t matter, you will not only stop receiving tokens of his affection  for Valentines Day, but probably any day.

If your husband thinks that romance doesn’t matter to you, he probably isn’t going to keep trying to romance you.

Mike Bickle says in his book After God’s Own Heart:

“I don’t think it’s possible to outgrow the thrill, the wonder, the overwhelming certainly of being loved and enjoyed. It is the single experience all humans grope for and cling to in human relationships and with God. Knowing you are loved by another person fills your days with endless marvels, no matter what’s going outside your heart.”

I believe even God loves romance, and woos and entices us to Him through His love, His Word and His passion for us (just read the Song of Solomon). Our marriage relationships are a model of God’s relationship with us, and I believe romance is part of what God created in us when He created marriage. If romance is important to God, it should be important to us. There is obviously something in it that deepens and strengthens our love and passion for one another.

~Just Scrub The Toilet, Dear~

In the beginning of your relationship, I am sure romance played a huge part, maybe even involving  flowers, chocolate, love notes. Then you got married, had children, have careers, or are living on a shoe string budget. So the flowers and the chocolate stopped in favor of your husband helping you scrub the toilets as being one of the romantic things ever.

We were there one time too. Now our children are growing up, and we have more time to spend with each other, and we have realized that letting romance fall to the wayside all those years was a big mistake. My husband isn’t a romantic guy by nature, so when I made romance unimportant by telling him not to bother, it began a downward spiral that eventually left a huge void for both of us. It took a crisis in our marriage for both of us to see it.  Now we make sure that when one of us is feeling that void again, we let each other know. (Hence, the flower and chocolate hint I left on  his bureau)

~If You Like It, Just Say So!~

If you are woman who values these things, it’s ok to let your husband know. Don’t tell him it doesn’t matter to you if it does. We all have our different love language, and we need to give and receive love in a way that is fulfilling in our own marriages. Telling him to forget something that may be special to you does not make you a better wife, especially if causes a hurt or disappointment in your heart.

~In The Mood For Love~

Valentines day is over rated, but lets face it, it gets the world in the mood for love. You can’t avoid the red and pink hearts in every store or the little cupids in peoples windows or the onslaught of jewelry and floral commercials. Why don’t you knock his socks off with a romantic evening, and let him know that showing love any day of the year is one of your favorite things to do? There are loads of fun and frugal ideas that you can do. (see links below for ideas)

~Chocolate And Roses Don’t Spell Love~

I realize, and hope you do too,  that romance isn’t in the things we get materially. Most of the time it’s the little, simple, thoughtful things that we do for each other on a day to day basis. It’s the things we do to let our beloved know that we are thinking of them.  When Demi Moore was asked what was the most romantic thing she had ever done for her (then) husband Bruce Willis, she said “I gave birth to three kids!”.  That always makes me laugh! True, romance can be in the big and little things we do. The message here is just do them. Make it a priority. And never tell your husband that you just don’t care if he romances you or not! Romance truly is a finer thing and is sure to keep your heart strings tied and your love growing strong!!

For some great ideas for this Valentine’s Day, check out these great ideas:

• Frugal Valentines Day Ideas
• 14 Ways To Show Your Husband Love for Valentine’s Day

I want my children’s childhood to be full of memories of a mama who was by their side, playing with them, laughing with them, reading to them, cooking with and for them. Not a mama with a face glued to a computer screen.

~Stephanie, Keeper of The Home in her article Pro Mom, Not Pro Blogger

Are you a mom blogger? Then you must read Stephanie’s article.

Her article put into words things that have been on my heart for a long time. While I try very hard to keep my blogging time in balance,  I admit that all too often I spend far too much time in the online world and not nearly enough time doing the things that count.

I try to carve out and stick to a 2 hour time frame per day Monday-Friday  to do bloggy stuff. That may seem like a lot to some, but have you ever tracked how much time you spend online? It is easy to lose time and you may be surprised that you spend much more time than you thought.

If I stuck to my 2 hours a day Monday-Friday, that would be 10 hours per a week. 40 hours per month. 480 hours per year. Figure a regular work week as 40 hours per week. If I translate that into my time spent online, I figure I am losing 3 months per year with my family. I admit that there have been times I have spent more than those 2 hours online so I am sure that 3 months is a fairly conservative figure. A lot can happen in the lives of my children in 3 months. Is blogging really worth missing that time?

As Stephanie says, blogging is a career because “let’s face it, when blogging requires this much of you, it’s more than just a hobby”. How many of us stay home to be with our children, yet are caught up in the career world right in our very own homes through blogging? How many times have we not read that story, played that game, or pushed our children away to finish one more post, answer one more comment, ask one more question? I know I am guilty of it more than I’d like to admit.

What does this mean? I am not really sure. I have a lot to think on. A lot to pray about. Some decisions to make and some priorities to refocus. Perhaps you do to.

My mantra has always been don’t be so busy building a blog that you forget to build a life.

I think it’s time I take my own advice.

Have you counted the cost of the time you have spent on the computer, away from your children, your husband, and your duties as a homemaker? Is it worth it?

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”

-Elisabeth Elliot, Love Has a Price Tag